“You are anxious and troubled about many things…”
He’s talking to Martha but he could just as easily be saying, “Vanessa, Vanessa.”
My mind is spinning with all the things yet to be done, with all the needs to be met. I’m running around, barely stopping for air. I’m listening to the tick tock of the clock and hearing it as a threat. There’s so much to do and so little time. Don’t. Stop. Running.
“Vanessa, Vanessa.”
He speaks my name without a trace of condemnation. He’s not frustrated, not disappointed. It’s not a mark of disapproval. What is it that I hear in his voice?
Grace. Love. Kindness. Care.
He sees me. He sees to the depths of my soul. He understands the expectations that I place on myself, that ever-risng bar that I’m trying to grasp. He sees my shoulders burdened by the weight of the world. He hears the monologue inside my head that says, “it’s all up to me.”
He gently whispers my name and then speaks the truth that pierces my heart.
“There are so many things on your mind – so many problems to solve, so many tasks to check off the list, so many people that need something from you. But one thing is necessary. One thing. Be present. Sit here beside me and listen to the sound of my voice. Let me take care of you. Let me ease your worry. Let me show you the way. I know you want to be good. Let me tell you what is good…be with me.”
Can it really be that simple? While I’m over here trying to keep all these plates spinning, does he really just want me to be?
Be present. It’s not an excuse to ignore my responsibilities. It’s a call to trust that he will carry them with me. It’s an invitation to lay down the ones that he never asked me to hold. It’s an offer to trade my anxieties for his incomprehensible peace.
Peace. It sounds so sweet. My mind, my body, my soul are so thirsty for that peace that’s only found in his presence.
So I will stop running. I will sit and I will listen. I will quiet my mind so that I can hear his gentle voice. I will do this one thing that he asks of me and trust that all the other things will be taken care of, too.